The breath we take; and limits & boundaries in between

26th February 2013, reflected in me as a close friend and a companion in deserts where we worked later. Mohan Mathew whom any one will like was at the terminal of his moment with destiny. A friend called to say this condition and one from Saudi sent a mail. As I traveled to meet him, memoirs continuously attacked me with the times we shared as college mates. Memories never fade - good ones for sure. His wife Santha had her smile slightly distorted, but brave when we witnessed his breath took longer with struggle. His eyes, closed, without food and water for a few days we are waiting in prayers for a miracle. Our breath also had silence in between. His children had come from US and from nearby. Pausing and engaged with thoughts in prayers we returned and on the way back, I thought of the limits and boundaries we have with destiny. There exists a “Lakshman Rekha” a very thin line between the limit and the boundary. This idea evolved from my past experiences and encounters and is food for thought set on your table - provoking and at the same time tempting. There are few things hemmed by boundaries. Boundaries do not bind rather they set limits. We imprison our minds and create a YOU that you are not. Thoughts have hardly any boundaries – they move around in the neighborhood as well beyond. Space and the outer-space have no set boundaries and are in balance. Cosmos is in existence is with attraction and repulsion forces but co-exist and move on. Friendships are love affairs to some extent. Limits are set by mind and not anything else. Between birth and death there exists a thin boundary called breath and between thought and speech there exists a thin line of silence? Our minds construct the world we live in. The perception and concepts we hold determine and create the way we see. Patterns of thought, limitations and boundaries in understanding influence how we interact with and shape reality. Such limits and boundaries define the parameters of friendships and existence. As a child we are dependent, we grow and become independent and in a social and professional concept become interdependent. Friendships are everlasting especially that incarnate during school and college times that makes us interdependent. As I traveled back, I went past my own history of an encounter with death with a disease named Transverse Myelitis about 12 years ago. I was invited to depart and pack my baggage to enter the world unknown. Transverse myelitis is a neurological disorder caused by inflammation of the spinal cord. The term myelitis refers to inflammation of the spinal cord; transverse simply describes the position of the inflammation that interrupts communications between the nerves in the spinal cord and the rest of the body. What began as a sudden lower back pain, rapidly progressed to more severe symptoms and I was paralyzed from below naval, urine retention, and loss of bowel control. The attack was on a fine Saturday afternoon with a heavy back pain and the resident doctor advised me to take pain killer for the night. My breath with death was that night. It was at Hinduja where I was diagnosed and I was in the MRI scanning machine for more than an hour and a half. Lucky I am to have come and tell this story, and live to see my friend Mohan Mathew. What I missed was my breath when the consulting mentioned that I may have a few days ahead to have continued breaths and as per statistics the case is so. When an alumni friend requested to know Mohan’s status with a sob in his heart, I felt the breath in him holding for a moment and I spoke on his terrible condition and his encounter with the “Lakshman Rekha”. Pain has limitations and his son told us he does not experience pain in his condition. But pain inflict in those in love with him. This afternoon I was with a doctor who explained a condition like that of mine that caused tragedy to his father in law recently. This is termed - Guillain-Barre (say "ghee-YAN bah-RAY") syndrome. This is a serious disorder that occurs when the body's defense (immune) system mistakenly attacks part of the nervous system. This leads to nerve inflammation that causes muscle weakness and other symptoms. This is an autoimmune disorder (the body's immune system attacks itself) and damages parts of nerves. This nerve damage causes tingling, muscle weakness, and paralysis. This can cause paralysis and lead to death. The doctor informed me that his father in law whom I met a few months back came back to life after stretched limits of encounters with destiny. We have beliefs and the times I had are experiences to seek from the ultimate to give chances. Those whom I informed about Mohan were in a spontaneous feeling for one another. We reached the zenith of our friendships in conversation – beyond the limits and boundaries that set apart positions, ideologies and beliefs. Love dominates at such instances. Lao Tzu make us think with his words – “Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are and when you realize nothing lacking, world belongs to you. When you are content, with what you have and become simply yourself - respect comes”. We then think differently about life and its manifestations, sufferings, pain and joy. The breath I lost in witnessing Mohan’s breath made me understand that death is a necessary phase that transgresses from one to the other. I learnt more within the thin limits of time existed on the 13th floor at Hinduja hospital twelve years ago and as my colleague Ravinder Singh said sitting close to me – ‘Amar, I am reminded of a joke and that will make you laugh and feel good’ – really so, I enjoyed his wits and fun more than the sympathetic looks I used to receive in the visiting hours those days. “Life is not about how many breaths you take but about how many moments in life that take your breath away”.

H A N D S

imag-e-in: Take a turn at right angle from your path . . .

imag-e-in: Take a turn at right angle from your path . . .: The fondness for nostalgia intimidate at times with thoughts that ignite, especially if such memoirs are familiar to failures and weaknesses...

Take a turn at right angle from your path . . .

The fondness for nostalgia intimidate at times with thoughts that ignite, especially if such memoirs are familiar to failures and weaknesses. I was requested as I alighted from a train that halted at Mangalore railway station by a co-passenger to help guide a person who was blind. Leading him through the platform till the auto-rickshaw stand I enquired whether he was blind from birth and he said yes. I made an enquiry whether he was missing something by not being able to see like others. He answered saying he do, as he has all other faculties functioning well and miss that link of picturing the whole world. He traveled from Chennai to attend a friend’s wedding and as I made him sit in the auto rickshaw, he thanked me and said – “I will find the rest of my way to the wedding hall”. He came to part in a wedding of his old friend’s daughter. I wondered then what my relative had asked me “why I undertake that journey after an accidental fall that injured me?” Hearing the blind man’s story made me realize how purpose defines path. I use a video clipping posted on You Tube on Nick Vujicic during training sessions to demonstrate how obstacles can be visualized as challenges. Most of those who watched the video got charged. We all are luckier than many others. Another man, a double leg amputee made history recently by competing in an athletic event in Olympics with carbon fiber blades and thanked his mother Sheila for instilling values in him. The South African Pistorius watched his 89 year old grandmother flying the national flag as he ran. Sheila never took NO for an answer – “Looser is not a person who gets involved and comes last; but one who don’t get involved”. The nature of habit is an automatic compulsion to do what one has become accustomed to. Habits want to repeat old patterns to stay within comfort zones. Edward de Bono is one who spoke about parallel thinking to find deviations in our life’s journey. Tension can be classified in four type viz. of task, relationship, surprise and mystery. With demanding life styles we try to cope with tension as we are in confrontation with situations and yield in defeat, procrastination or surrender. This is where the familiarity of failure disallows parallel thoughts for improvised action to grow and sustain. As a student of engineering, I studied surface tension and it is termed as the pressure difference between the inside and outside of a BUBBLE. Water strider an insect can freely run along the surface of a quiet pond. There is something we need to learn from the insect – to utilize the tension and move forward! Surface tension in simple terms is the balance between the inner and outer chores. And in a different concept it may be applied as our inner thoughts and environment we live. When the few of us who returned as NRI’s met at Wayanad for a picnic, Vijay Menon had lots of games in stock and if you click You Tube video you will understand his question “how many coins can that glass of water accept without water spilling over?” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2mKpZHnEzw Fact is that human resilience to motor through un-known terrains is huge, and we need to appreciate this as we encounter ups and downs of lives. Most of us won't approach problems, but we seek peace of mind. It’s written on Facebook’s walls – “done” is better than “perfect”. Our lives today place enormous demands on time and energy and these demands exceed our capacity to deal with them. We try to align and attempt to function. Too often, this underlying tension surfaces at slightest provocation, and we find ourselves in conflict. Our responses shift to tensions reflecting conflicts. We need to progress through change of beliefs. I believe tension is a need to vibe to the music in our lives. Guitar makes wonderful sounds with tension in the strings. Like in a symphony, we need to learn and adapt to situations, to avoid tension. Happiness is all about harmony with creation; harmony is all about accepting life as it unfolds. Stretch is the elasticity of comfort zones that can redefine our identity bringing out hidden capabilities. Look at a child – he moves on and on. We should not allow the child in us to grow. Then we can participate in that grand orchestra of life. Essentially, to turn sideways with parallel thinking is to reject mental blocks of conflict management. For most of us, we are so programmed either to submission or aggression. When in the journey of lives, the path is a dim and uncertain we need to take a right angle and yet reach the same goal; and get onto move ahead with life. At times behind a hidden door, the key to that door may have been temporarily misplaced but finding it by wisdom, compassion and enlightened thoughts makes it possible. It’s possible with matured, balanced thoughts without breaking the envelope of water bubble that holds the phenomena of surface tension - Longing to seek peace result in belonging.

An Internal dialogue – between me and I

That was after a few years since I drove on that road in front of Christian College on the East side that takes to Mavoor Road, a bye-lane those days that now is a busy lane. I followed a huge Volvo bus that steered in front of me all the way up. I felt it was almost difficult for me to overtake as vehicles moved this side as well with attention and difficulty to pass through. I then thought of the “Just Do It” slogan of Nike shoes, that I am glued with at my native place, Calicut. With the passage of time, the social system has undergone changes. We are experiencing new things or at least hearing about such things frequently and getting used to it. New freedom has given way to new frontiers. We begin with big dreams and high ambitions. Some of us achieve them and others don’t – but both sets are either happy or unhappy. “I love you” that used to be a murmur those days have given way to “I love ME” in loud terms. Commercially every possible item is on sale at a discount and the affordability to buy is also high. Lifestyle has undergone a variety of changes and people accept the New Paradigm easily as the group or peer pressure is allowing them to adapt and acquire at a rate that supersede thought processes. When our desires or ambitions manifest it creates a momentum of action in us. The mistake may be, in our ignorance that we tend to believe that whatever we think or dream of, will come true if we work hard for it. When boundaries are reset, freedom provides new meanings. Culture – the so called – also amends to suit the need, based on young minds and their demand on themselves. When I was a student, the model of code was totally different from what I set for my children and what is set by my children on my grandchild on a transitional model of code of ethic. This is when I got tuned to a definition on how to fit a square plug in a round hole theory and find ways and means to deal with the aspirations and execution of ideas that make our future life. The authority of the social fabric has shifted many rotations and touched a limit that we appreciate now, and that is due to the economic freedom coupled with the knowledge base of the people. The opportunities that galore with the new dimensions of business, deal with technology that embraces today’s life style are another dimension. This context is important where the grandfather was recently told by the youngster that “Your retirement salary is what I earned last month” and that focus on the wealth creation by the opportunity from knowledge based work and skill. When we use the force of ego and power our action and then drop it before the momentum of action takes over we are making a sacrifice. This causes frustration. When this happen, with vested economic authority the old boundaries cannot make any sense and loses its sensibilities. The issue that we confront has a lot to do with old mind sets with enlarged freedom and the new paradigms that rule the world. “Just Do It” or “I know my way” are redefining self-confidence and if directed through right channels will bring in more confidence and new ideas to deal and challenge the un-known - that is future. The sense of RIGHT and WRONG are no more perfect whites or perfect blacks – it runs down to a kind of grey where majority traverse with their lives. For arriving at this grey, we need to have an internal dialogue among ourselves. Then we need to interpret these with the freedom quotient and redefine new frontiers of authority that weaves today’s social patterns that mature and blend with the modern times, as we progress. That will engrave a deeper and more enduring and sustainable reality into the social fabric. Modern in outlook and deep-rooted with value system; like they say the old wine in a new bottle. Then we move away from extremes in behavior nurtured with an attitude that keeps us in between, in balance, like the grey that we heard before, a path that governs respectful and tolerant patterns of understanding of human values. If the aspirations of a strong India have to become real, we also need to monitor and generate codes with extended freedom within a new set of boundaries – this is the challenge. We live here at present and need to design what’s ahead by renewed thought processes without any bias and mis-belief of the environment so that not the perfect, but a more desirable outcome is evidenced. “True North” is the way management experts talk about the path finder compass. Let all of us define the broader boundaries of behavior in our social system to suit in terms of progress and shifted authorities generated by economic freedom, and look at True North and focus our attention to set forth new codes of ethics framed in such a way, confrontation give way by compassion and love for each other. If in this process we find ourselves falling off the wagon, or we are struggling to stay on it, let’s reduce the challenge, let’s re-visit and stay course to the cause so that the New Year will end at a better note than what we anticipate.

The exotic 12.12.12

“We exist in time, but we belong to eternity. We are a penetration of eternity into the world of time” – I read these wonderful words today when the mystique of the date 12.12.12 for some stands alone. I could reflect barely on the magic of this number as I wrote the date of today on this title except that I need to change the calendar for this year 2012 in about 19 days and that I am yet to receive one for the next year. Time gets measured in varied forms to many. For historians it comes in millenniums, for researchers in billions of years and for Bolt who runs for Olympics in split seconds – all valuable with connotations that represent the arena and scope definition of the field involved. How does time measure for you and me? 12.12.12 happens once in 100 years! At 1:21:02 a.m., number lovers can rejoice in the single second that marks when the date-time combination is the same read both forwards and backwards: 2012-12-12 1:21:02 = 201212-1-212102. At 12.12.12pm, today offer fans of the number 12 six repeats - 12.12.12 12.12.12. Some internet doomsayers have picked 12.12.12 as the date for the world’s end. Anyway, Twelve 12 12 is the last of the memorable dates, including 9.9.9, 10.10.10 and 11.11.11, during this century and all of these dates have proved popular. Numerology is watching and understanding the meaning of numbers and at times interesting. Astrologically numbers provide inputs to believes. “The date represents a window of possibility for an evolutionary leap, the awakening can only occur in as much as we decide to create it”. The meaning of 12 12 12 - A Mathematical and Societal Overview of the Number 12: The number 12 is a unique, interesting, and very useful number. The unique usefulness of the number 12 has been recognized by mathematicians, scientists, meta-physicists, and society in general since the beginning of recorded human history. The usefulness of this number derives from its divisibility. There are relatively few small numbers that can be evenly divided into so many subsets. The number 12 can be evenly divided into halves, thirds, fourths, sixths, and twelfths. Multiples of 12, by definition, retain this divisibility. The inherent divisibility is the reason that the number12, and its multiples, are so intertwined into our society. We use it here, there, and everywhere. The general consensus is that the Egyptians came up with the first 12 month calendar. The Romans later modified it, but retained the 12 month format. Both cultures abandoned any attempt to match the calendar with the lunar cycle; all emphasis was placed on the solar cycle. Interestingly I looked at the scenario connected with this hype. Wow, so many things are happening all over the world and include that of the release of Tamil 3D film “Sivaji” of our own megastar Rajnikanth today. 12.12.12 — The Concert for Sandy Relief will be screened at more than 200 USA theaters. This concert will feature performances by Paul McCartney, Eric Clapton, The Who, Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band, Billy Joel, Roger Waters, Bon Jovi, Pearl Jam‘s Eddie Vedder,Foo Fighters‘ Dave Grohl and more. Money raised by the show will go to the Robin Hood Relief Fund, to help those hit by the recent hurricane storm – a good thought. About 490,000 babies are born daily around the world. As such, the UN assumes that same numbers of babies were born 12 years ago, and as such, the same number will celebrate a 12th birthday today. And so many will be born today! While some parents say the desire for having a baby on the date is due to numerology, others say it is because of astrology and some say it is to cherish the memory of having a baby on a historic date. Unlike my wife, I keep forgetting birthdays and death anniversary dates and if some of our friends have their children or grandchildren are born today I am sure will remember the date for the convenience of it. A doctor says – “delivery on request is done only if the baby is mature and we do not see any complication. Then we go ahead for request deliveries for 12.12.12”. The question is –“Is timing a delivery ethically and medically proper?” A large number of Hong Kong couples are planning to marry on 12.12.12 – seen as a fairly fortunate date by feng shui masters. For me - "It's just a normal day." Except for one thing it is the last time that I will see those numbers in my lifetime in a calendar, but how does it matter? If this number was to repeat every year and not in 100 years, the digital and social media would have converted the day to one of those very successful market campaigning ones and an eventful day to sell on hard commercial terms. However we shall take some time on December 12, 2012 – perhaps at 12:12 or throughout the day – to celebrate the understanding that we are all interconnected in the living system called Planet Earth. Let us together share one dream, one heart and one intention with an infinite variety of expressions. May be w

e think at this moment share all experience needed to co-create a sustainable, just and fulfilling human presence on this planet. Let this be seen and heard on 12-12-12! Of course I shall remember this day for yet another reason – my old friend Gopi and his wife Thankam leave for Canada to migrate early this morning. In my personal diary that will be an imprint on nostalgia.

Guzarish, the request

GUZARISH, the Request

The scenic beauty depicted is from God’s Own Country. Goa is not far from Kerala in terms of nature where the story of Ethan Mascaranez commenced.

I had read the narration of Guzarish and when Usha wanted to watch this movie, I agreed, though in terms of experimentation, I had felt “no more movies”. There was intent.

Depicted well, edited to perfection and sensibility and sensitivity captured to near perfection, I watched and felt that a good theme for a story teller and a good movie for the audiences - Sentiments of love grew as hidden narrations on almost all frames. Sanjay Leela once again has shown his genius in the film making.

More than Guzarsh theme or the film, I enjoyed the scene when the Lawyer was asked to get into the wooden box at the Court room when a magic show was to be conducted – the lawyer was asked to be within the box for 60 seconds and he knocked out of it by punches from within – suffocating in a state of mind of isolation and solitude. If that be the case, Ethan was trying to convince the judge at the court room, this time at his house, that being alone, in isolation even without much pain but in anticipation of the ultimate is very testing and extremely difficult.

Ethan’s story is where he has been on a bed unable to move his legs and hands and almost immobile for more than 12 years, after he met with an accident. His nurse looks after him, and his assistant comes to learn the tricks of the MAGIC, that was Ethan’s profession.

The MAGIC of LIFE is that LIFE itself is a MAGIC.

One needs to understand and appreciate the stories that tell LIFE in various forms.

By learning the MAGIC of life, you tend to soften your approaches and choose paths that are neither pure white of perfection nor black that is filled with thorns and hatred.

Feel the MAGIC of life and that helps you move through the uncertainties that lie ahead in future.

I am reminded of those 100 minutes that preceded with a diagnosis that I had contacted “Transverse Mylettis” – by being within the MRI scanning machine at the Hinduja Hospital. The 60 seconds allotted to the lawyer reminded me of those 100 minutes.

Instead of the 12 odd years that Ethan suffered in the time machine of life, I had passed through more than a month - Un-knowing what was in store for me, hearing from the Neuro physician that I may become a vegetable like Ethan.

Watching Guzarish with Usha was like swimming in the MAGIC pond of my own life – recollecting how and what goes through the mind of Ethan.

Hope comes in various forms and for me on the thirteenth floor at the hospital, it was a dove that sat on the overhanging window pane of my closed room of MAGIC, that I renewed with prayers that life seems to be ahead.

Transformation is part of learning.

I learnt then, that one need not worry much, with prayers that can create MAGIC in life.

I remembered then, what I saw last week at the Karthika Deepam festival at the Thali temple --- when I was handling an earthen lamp, trying to light and fire on the wick using the near by lamp on the boarders of the water pond where reflections were making a MAGIC in the surroundings. The four of the panchaboothas were together that time, but the invisible breeze (air) the fifth of the panchboothas turned my wish down. Determined and praying, I lit more lamps.

Living life with contentment and hope will help engulf love in to the relationships.

Love is the MAGIC that lights the days that challenges with uncertainties.

Guzarish, the request is that we tend to appreciate the natures’ bounties around us, gifted by God, and thank Him and pray for the ultimate to happen, so that we become part of nature, all over, once again.